And here I am again. It's 9:40 in the morning and I am already sad, mad and pissed off at the world. This is becoming a habit.
The cycle works like this:
1. I wake up in the morning and feel pain in my wrist
2. Chris jokingly grabs the dog away from me and I leave, jumping on the opportunity to tell him he's doing something wrong.
3. I go to the bathroom. After tyring to poop out every piece of excess I have in my body, I step on the scale. It goes up, or doesn't move - either one, sealing in my fate that I am 130 lbs again.
4. Chris asks me how my weigh-in goes. I again am confronted with feelings that I suck and I failed. Juxtaposing his pride in how his body is doing and the irrelevance of the scale to his fitness goals with my results, I feel bad about myself and just get MAD.
5. I am so mad I don't want to participate in a solution. The world isn't fair, so it's easier to be mad than to try to change my part in it.
6. Chris gets up and goes along his merry way. I'm sad and left out.
Okay, Dr. Subconcious, what can I learn from this.
1. I'm really sensitive about my weight right now. However, opting out of fitness isn't going to solve anything. I really only have to wait one more day (probably three) until I get started on a program of my own. Running a little each day before then will activate endorphins and at least be good for my mental health. I keep saying that I "hurt" and that's why I won't run (I don't want to add to the pain), but I can always wait until I feel a little better before lacing up.
2. The only one I'm hurting with my anger is myself. I want company in my misery, but this is not a good solution. Chill out and take a breath, and a step back. Appreciate something.
I'm going to go look at the ocean.
